Dealing with harsh comments

Too many times people hurt us with harsh remarks.

But the way we handle harsh remarks can change the hurt. It can reduce it to virtually zero. The important premise is to understand why the person giving the harshness to us, is choosing harshness instead of friendly criticism in a constructive way. 

The people who go around scolding others, are generally not too happy themselves. All too often they crave for being on top, for being better than others. And their, perhaps subconscious, perception is that if they put others down, it shows their own superiority. Nothing it further from the truth. Harshness, scolding merely is revealing our weakness. 

Scolding is done by people with a twisted personality. If we are at the receiving end of a good scolding, we can listen to the content and see if we can learn something from it. But we do not have to let the harshness into our heart. I hear you think, that is easier said than done. 

But in fact, it is not too difficult. It easy to feel pity for a person with a twisted back. It is also not too difficult to feel pity for a person with a personality so twisted that they feel the need to shout to appease their own ego into a feeling of superiority. If we understand that we can choose to pity that person for his or her inappropriate behavior, everything changes.

We do not have to accept the harshness, we do not have to let it into our heart. If I give you a pen and you refuse to take the pen, the pen remains with me. If someone calls you stupid and you do not accept the insult, you do not let it in, the insult, the stupidity stays with the giver of the insult. 

So next time, you meet some harshness, do listen to the message inside the harshness. Then pity the person for his twisted personality, his lack of insight in how to create a harmonious relationship, do not let the insult into our heart and not even into our mind, let them keep the words they say and go on with our journey. 

Try to practice this little gem of wisdom. It is a great way to deal with harsh people intending to hurt others. 

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A look at some beautiful skies:

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: 

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

Wonderful poems (inspirational and motivational):

 https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

(my pen name for poetry name is Aufie Zophy) 

-----

Some beautiful inspirational quotes: 

 https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story:

 https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things:

 https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

ENJOY

 

Lovely trees

I love trees. Do you love them too?

Just now at 10.15 PM, i thought for awhile about my day. 

I became aware I had not taken even a minute to watch a tree.

 

So I went out, put on some garden lights and watched 

I watched the beautiful majestic crown of a tree

Then its stem and I mused about how deep the roots must go.

 

The silence of the night, the scantiness of the garden lights

gave the whole scene a touch of magic. 

 

It felt like my soul was ready to break its silence

and talk to me about the endless wisdom hidden 

in the universe.

 
I love trees, do you too?

A bit of rain and sun

A little ladybird sitting on the top of a low tree casts a shadow on the rose.
A dew drop tear rolls down the petals, a helpless fall
The soils gets wet, but the tear does not relieve its thirst.
Then there is a bit of rain, a bit of sun and the scene is filled with joy  

Dear Friends,

I hope you enjoyed reading the little 'poem' above.

Sometimes a series of events paints a gloomy picture in our life

And then a small thing sometimes turns the tide. 

A bit of rain, a bit of sun, are sometimes all we needed.

The key lies in being aware of the beauty in a bit of rain and sun...

Bliss

Swallowing every day a bit of bliss, I try
Soft amazing light in the pastel morning sky
The song of a bird, singing passionately
The outline of a gently swaying tree

But if I wake late, all this beauty I may miss.
Then, at work, I still try to find some bliss
In the superb opportunities for caring
In all the love and kindness we are sharing

Still if at work, I was only busy and stressed,
The evening may be super blessed
The love of family, a toddler's kiss
Truly, every day, I try to get a bit of bliss.

For every day, every hour, I wish too
a truckload filled with bliss for you.

Kind math

 If out of the more than 7 billion people in the world

there would be only one million people

who try every day to perform three random kind acts

That would amount to 3 million kind acts per day. 

or more than a billion kind acts in a year. 

How nice our world would have suddenly become

Let us start to become a member of the first 1 million.

If we are persistent the number will snowball 

to many hundreds of millions soon...

 

 

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A look at some beautiful skies:

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: 

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

Wonderful poems (inspirational and motivational):

 https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

(my pen name for poetry name is Aufie Zophy) 

-----

Some beautiful inspirational quotes: 

 https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story:

 https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things:

 https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

ENJOY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The mountain gone

My soul has no hands and no feet

but it ran over the mountain 

that stood between you and me

It dug a hole in the soil

and planted a fine young tree

 

The roots soaked up all earth

that had made up the mountain

 

Soon the mountain was gone

and a majestic tree 

provided some shadow 

to love forever, you and me

in perfect harmony

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Small poem from the deepest of my heart.

Our soul can move mountains, if only we let it.

Harmony is possible, if we want it hard enough

 

The big pleasure

 The big pleasure of giving

The big pleasure of serving

The big pleasure of loving

The big pleasure of kindness

WHO wants still to suffer in greed

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A look at some beautiful skies:

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: 

https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

Wonderful poems (inspirational and motivational):

 https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

(my pen name for poetry name is Aufie Zophy) 

-----

Some beautiful inspirational quotes: 

 https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story:

 https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things:

 https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

ENJOY

Words are flying

 Words that we just say

are flying far away;

but what we write down today,

These thoughts are here to stay

(a free translation of verba volent, scripta manent)

 

A few months ago, I had a wonderful experience.
I wrote it down in a small poem and shared it here on this blog:

https://reflectionsbyhans.blogspot.com/2022/07/ingredients-of-happiness-3.html

 

Today I had a very similar experience and was immediately thinking about the above.

 

What we wrote down, is a kind of eternalized. 

What we do or think or just say, is flying away

Let us all think about our day

and write the most intriguing thoughts down :)

In the middle

      No matter how high we rise in our society, there tend to be always people who are above us, to whom we look up. At work, most of us have subordinates, we have clients and we have superiors. We can say we are somehow in the middle. 

    There is a tendency to focus our efforts on pleasing the people above us. That is not an easy thing to do. People above us, want to "help" us improve by fault finding and criticism. Just like quite often we do with the people below us. 

    I have seen so many house officers and junior medical doctors being close to nervous breakdowns because they get scolded and criticized for the 2 mistakes they made while no one talks about the 98 good things they did. And the weird thing is that those above them, criticizing them, think they are merely helping them to improve. 

    If we shift the focus of our efforts to please the people below us, we enter a wholly different realm. Instead of working to please the "boss" we start to render service to those who need it. There is so much peace and so much job satisfaction to be found in rendering service, seemingly selfless service. In the case of junior docs, if they focus on going the extra mile for their patients, on helping the docs that are still junior to them, on being friendly to nurses and attendants, Job satisfaction will be their part, They will have peace, that will not be easily disturbed by any toxic comments from whoever is their senior. 

    Somehow that is how we were made. Rendering service give peace of mind and happiness of the highest order. Many of us do not know this, or are not consciously aware of this at most of the time. We look for the highest form of happiness in places and achievement where this type of happiness cannot be found. Pleasure was meant as a means to help us survive. Peace of mind and true happiness were meant as a means of becoming a human being with a purpose and contributing to the betterment of this world :)

Let us focus on the people below us. Give them a helping hand and find perfect joy in it.

Imagine!

If the world would be filled with love

The hungry boy in Malawi,

would be bathing in love and not be hungry for very long

The lonely lady in her two bedroom apartment

would be bathing in love and not be lonely for very long

If the world would be filled with love

The quarrels within families

would drown in love and soon be replaced with harmony

The greed within the world

would drown and soon make place for kindness and compassion

If the world would be filled with love

you and me 

would bathe in love

If the world would be filled with love...

Imagine!

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A look at some beautiful skies: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

Wonderful poems (inspirational and motivational): https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

(my pen name for poetry name is Aufie Zophy)

Some beautiful inspirational quotes:  https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story: https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things: https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

ENJOY

Two handles

I share here two parts of the Enchiridion (a work by Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived about 2 millennia ago)

 43. Everything has two handles, the one by which it may be carried, the other by which it cannot. If your brother acts unjustly, don't lay hold on the action by the handle of his injustice, for by that it cannot be carried; but by the opposite, that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you; and thus you will lay hold on it, as it is to be carried.

44. These reasonings are unconnected: "I am richer than you, therefore I am better"; "I am more eloquent than you, therefore I am better." The connection is rather this: "I am richer than you, therefore my property is greater than yours;" "I am more eloquent than you, therefore my style is better than yours." But you, after all, are neither property nor style.

I think that the wisdom in the first part (43) is amazing. Please let it sink in for awhile. If we replace brother by spouse, it becomes still more relevant. In the current times we do spend far more time with our spouses than with our siblings. If our spouse does something unjust or not right to us, do not get blinded by the part of the injustice, but keep in mind that our spouse is the one we love and the one who loves us. There are so many imperfections in each of us and if we think deep and hard enough, we will find that we have not always be perfectly just to them either. Let us hold the handle that can be held. So nice, isn't it?

The second part (44) speaks for itself. Another piece of superb wisdom. 

Sometimes, when I read superb pieces of wisdom like this which have been around for so very long, I find it a bit sad that these things are not common knowledge, that these things are not taught in our schools as something everyone should know.

Let us all get so excited about wisdom, that we actively search for a bit of wisdom every week, or even every day and then share it with our friends, with our family. :)

Focus

Emotions can become the subject of what we focus on.

If we choose that we want to be grateful,

we will find so many things to be grateful for.

And if those things, that usually anger us, present themselves,

we may not notice it, since we are in the process 

of seeing so many wonderful things  we want to be grateful for

If, on the other hand, we choose to be critical of others,

we will easily find so many things that are on our nerve 

and anger and frustration will become lead players in the theater of our life.

 

Let us think for a while about what emotion serves us best,

actively search for things that provoke this emotion

and we will no longer notice things that provoke the opposite emotions

 

What do you think about this? 

Best regards from Bachok Malaysia,

Do enjoy some browsing through the archive 

Hans Van Rostenberghe

The desolate escargot

On a deserted beach, a desolate escargot lay helpless in shallow water.

It observed the extravaganza of a dancing crab in a breaking wave

It could see the amazing shades of green on the forest on the shore

It was not moved by the dance, nor by the colors.

 

It was not until a deep thought coming from far away 

entered his little escargot brain, 

that it managed to shake off the sadness.

What was the deep thought?

 

 

 

The story of the cat

       Yesterday I went to a restaurant in Bachok, the small Malaysian town on the East Coast of Malaysia, where I live. There are not many restaurants that are closed or have air-conditioning in our place. Usually the weather is pleasantly warm and a ceiling fan is enough to keep it so. 

        A restaurant is typically an open space with a roof above it to protect everyone from the rains that fall abundantly in our region especially in the late evening and at night. 

        I had ordered nasi goreng, ayam kunyit, which is a classical dish of fried risce with chicken that is prepared with the powder of turmeric, a true delicacy, in my opinion.

         Shortly before the dish arrived, I felt a tap on my leg. It was a colorful cat with lovely eyes. The cat had just used her pat to gently tap my leg, to let me know she was there. Her look, straight into my eyes, told me her expectations of "please share a bit of your food with me"

The cat was so beautiful and the look in my eyes touched so much my heart, that as soon as my meal arrived, I shared a bit of the chicken with the cat. She ate it and soon a second cat, a black one, came and joined. A few times again, the colorful one tapped with one of her pats on my leg and each time I gave a small amount of meat to her and to the black cat who was watching with equally eager eyes from a distance. 

After awhile, it seemed that they got enough, and both of them laid down close to my chair, keeping me company throughout the meal. I was there with seven of my close family members, but I had not a clue why the cat had chosen me. 

Anyhow, I felt good about it and that is why I share the story of the cat here. I know that in a western world, cats do not belong in restaurants, and some Europeans would be irritated if they did. Here they are just a part of our life and if we manage to be gentle to them as we are to our fellow human beings, it brings us peace of mind and yes, a bit of happiness. 

And for the meat on my plate, I had plenty left and I certainly did not go hungry.😅

 PS: if you are not a cat lover or do not like the story above, I am sure it will still be possible for you to find something you really enjoy the archive  of this blog. It is filled with inspiring stories and reflections. Many thanks for reading .

In Every Corner

A few years ago, I wrote a small poem for my sons.  

 

I posted it on the PoemHunter website 

and one yoga teacher let me know 

she used the poem in her yoga classes 

and the people from the classes loved it a lot. 

I post it here in this blog and hope you love it as much as the people in the yoga class :)

Enjoy!

If you are the one shining the light,
You will never be bothered by night.
If loving warmth is given by you to all,
Loneliness may never bother your soul.

If love and kindness are your way of being
And in everyone some good you're seeing,
Then happiness and peace of mind
In every little corner of this world, you'll find. 

 

Aufie Zophy

 

 

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Aufie Zophy is my pen name, I use for writing poems

A selection of the favorites among my own poems 

can be found through clicking the following link

https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/ 

Passion for kindness

Passion for kindness 

 

When our future seems just gloomy and dark

It is time to search for that amazing spark

That is always there, that never goes out

No matter how grey the sky, how dark the cloud.

 

No matter how disturbing the news, we read

We can always find what we truly need

Let’s not seek it on facebook, no, not on the net

That spark is not there, let’s never forget

 It sits inside, in our brain, our heart and soul

That spark of passion, that burning call

that little motivating flame to be ever nice and kind

that inspiring thought that never really left our mind

 

Let’s go on a complete fast from news at least for a day

Let us make it silent within and keep all negativity at bay

Find back that spark inside and feed it

A flame, a fire of passion for kindness, we truly need it

-----------------------------------

In difficult times, finding motivation, inspiration may be not easy. 

I am sure if you browse the entries on this blog archive, it may help

I have some created some other sites and blogs too,

that may help to awaken that little spark within

and let it be a flame or even a fire :)

Please take a look

Enjoy

Awaken the awareness of all beauty, love and peace that surrounds us

A look at some beautiful skies: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

Wonderful poems (inspirational and motivational): https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

(my pen name for poetry name is Aufie Zophy)

Some beautiful inspirational quotes:  https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story: https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things: https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

Getting out of a slump

It has been a long time, I have not been writing. 

Life seems like a bit of a tumultuous sea right now. 

I have been trying to make sense of it, but I could not.

I have been escaping into brain games, which gave me comfort. 

 

It is time for me to find back my motivation.

I kept enjoying the peace of beautiful sunrises 

I did enjoy the love that was around

I have however been procrastinating a lot of important tasks

There are many uncertainties

Actually there have always been 

But it seems I am more aware of them now

I hope that soon I can accept the uncertainties like I did before.

 

I am searching for my old motivated self.

I hope i get back to thinking deeply about life 

to think about the meaning of things, the purpose

and share some amazing thoughts here and elsewhere with my friends

 

I hope I get again more inspiration, more motivation 

and will be able to inspire and motivate others in the process.
My Creator, I need your guidance, 

to become the best me, that I can ever be.

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For the first time visitors, please visit the archive of this blog 

It has some amazing motivational and inspirational messages

You may also like the following links from my hand: 

 

A look at some beautiful skies: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

 

Inspirational poetry by Hans (@Aufie Zophy) https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

Some beautiful inspirational quotes:  https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story by Hans: https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things: https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

Small prayers for a big world: https://smallprayersforabigworld.blogspot.com/

Ingredients of happiness (3)

At the start of the day,

yes, every morning I pray 

to become aware and see

any simple opportunity 

to perform a random kind act.

 

Sometimes it is a simple thing

like a giving way to a man waiting

or a simple nice word to someone in need

a simple smile to a stranger I meet

but it always has a miraculous effect. 

 

Last week I was in a hurry on my way to work

but we never know where opportunity 'll lurk

I saw a skinny man dressed in absolute rags

looking for something of value in the trash

He hoped that he could find something worthwhile

I was quite late and it was almost nine

I thought I will help the man next time

But then I thought and changed my mind

A u-turn to act on the opportunity to be kind.

I gave him something that gave him a bright smile. 

 

I think he was happy and certainly I was too

A simple kind act is always worth to do  

Surely random kind acts are super important...

... ingredients of happiness

 

 

 

______________----------------_____________--------------

 Links to other blogs/sites that may be worth a bit of your time:

 

A look at some beautiful skies: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/mysite-1/skies-seen-by-hans 

Beautiful flowers: https://hansvro.wixsite.com/flowersbyhans

 

Inspirational poetry https://aufiezophypoems.blogspot.com/

Some beautiful inspirational quotes:  https://quotesfromhans.blogspot.com/ 

A fantastic short story: https://afishwithawish.blogspot.com/2020/08/a-fish-with-wish-whole-story.html

Simply some essays about good things: https://abcofvirtues.blogspot.com/

Small prayers for a big world: https://smallprayersforabigworld.blogspot.com/

Ingredients of happiness (2)

Making money is essential in order not to be unhappy. 

The best way to make money is giving high quality service.

If we keep our focus on making lots of money

we may loose the attention we give to rendering high quality service

and end up loosing clients and money very fast.

If  we keep our focus on making lots of money

we may introduce some unfair practices in our service

which may make more money but will not last 

and be only a source of worry, stress and anxiety.

So it is best to keep our focus on good service

Good service is by far the best way to make good money

It not only will make us feel good about the money generated,

but satisfaction, peace of mind and true happiness

are unavoidable consequences of rendering high quality service.

So, yes,

Rendering high quality service is among the essential

... ingredients of happiness 

Ingredients of happiness

     Among the most important

ingredients of happiness is gratitude,

the simple feeling of thankfulness.

     But in order to make gratitude easy,

we need to see something good 

in the situations, in the people in our life

    In order to make gratitude easy,

we need to focus on the good things 

that are present in everything and everyone

 

    At the same time we have to accept

the many imperfections that are there

in almost everything and everyone.

 

    So let us silently accept that the world is not perfect

and at the same time become fully aware of all 

the love, beauty and peace that surrounds us

 

    It will be almost automatic that we become grateful,

and this will contribute so much to our peace of mind.

Thankfulness is among the most important...

 

... ingredients of happiness 

 

 

The balloons

I imagined last Monday, straight after waking up

that there was a huge balloon of peace in my room

And guess what! There was a tremendous amount of peace

 

I loved the peace, I wanted it to stay forever, but then 

a frustrating thought from the previous day entered my mind

and like a needle it punctured my balloon of peace

 

        And peace was gone

 

I imagined last Tuesday, straight after waking up

that there was a huge balloon of love in my room

Tender love! There was a tremendous amount of love.

 

I loved the love, I wanted it to stay forever, but then

a thought of anger from the previous day entered my mind

and like a needle it punctured my balloon of love

        And love was gone

I imagined last Wednesday, straight after waking up

that there was a huge balloon of beauty in my room

Fascinating beauty, there was a tremendous amount of beauty

I loved the beauty and wanted it to stay forever, but then

a thought of disappointment from the previous day entered my mind

and like a needle it punctured my balloon of beauty

 

        And the beauty was gone

I imagined last Thursday, yesterday, straight after waking up

that there was a huge balloon of creativity in my room

Amazing creativity, there was a tremendous amount of creativity.

I loved the creativity and wanted it to stay forever, but then

A thought of strife, from the previous day entered my mind

and like a needle it punctured my balloon of creativity

        And creativity was gone

Today is Friday and without having to imagine, I know 

how much peace, how much love, how much beauty, 

how much creativity is surrounding me in the morning.

Needle-like thoughts of frustration, anger, disappointment and strife

will make them disappear like bursting balloons. 

I have decided to not think such thoughts and keep 

the peace, the love, the beauty, the creativity, all,

for a bit longer today, at least until noon. :)

Let us all keep the peace and love of the morning

the beauty and creativity, at least until noon...

 

 

 

The eagle, the monkey and the monitor lizzard

The eagle flew over the sea

He had the most wonderful view

But he did not enjoy it

Because he was focused so much

On his hunger 

 

The monkey was jumping from tree to tree

He experienced most wonderful sensation

But he was not aware of it

Because he was focused so much

On finding food

 

The monitor lizard could not fly nor jump

But he basked in the afternoon sun

He sat quietly and fully enjoyed

The energy that came his way from the sun

He was focused on silence.

 

The most talented have the highest potential to enjoy what they do

but there is a need of awareness, a need for some wisdom :)