Sunday, 11 December 2016

Power / temper

Today I lost my temper a bit during a ward round.

These ward rounds seem not very fair to me.
It is so easy for a consultant who heads the round to let his or her temper flare.
So easy to belittle the medical officer who forgot something.
They may have done 99 things right but they tend to get it for the 1 thing wrong.

Whenever I lose a bit of my temper, I almost always regret it, within the same day.
Being kind and humble, no matter what position we are in ourselves is one of my aspirations.

But then again we are only human.
Sometimes we are not in a good mood because things happening outside of our work.
Then we start the round with good intentions but if something seems to be revealed
that should not have happened, it adds a stress. If then the one who "did it" tries to
hide the obvious, sometimes the temper goes.

Why not let them save face? why not be just a guide and mentor?

Over the past 6 or 7 years I have become a strong believer in unconditional love.
If we allow unconditional love to fill our heart without leaving a place for hatred or anger,
no anger or hatred will be able to come out of us, since it will be simply no longer inside of us.
I am not sure I will ever achieve anything close to such a state of being filled to the brim with unconditional love. I do not know where my anger and venom is hiding. Even though over the years, I think I have been able to diminish it quite a bit, there is still so  much of it remaining.

On calm seas, it is easy to steer the ship towards all love.
If we manage to do so on rough seas too, we get a bit closer to the ideal, I think.
Whenever something happens like today (losing my temper during a round,
out of a position of power), I feel I have a long, long way to go. 

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