Knowing ourselves

 Not very long ago, I wrote the poem at the bottom of this page. 

It was a bit like a deep search for who and where I am. No, I am not demented, it is not about where I am physically but I am talking about the I, the one that sits inside, that makes the decisions on what to do, on what to think about, that has the choice to focus on something and ignore other things. That piece of myself has every day so many choices. And how do I make these choices. 

 

The easy answer is to say I make my choices based on my values and principles. And I think my principles of doing good and my values of honesty, integrity, love and kindness are strong and should guide all my choices in a major way. Yet I catch myself so often making different choices, not in harmony with the principles of loving kindness I claim to be my own.

 

If I connect the values and principles to a word, named soul, and my decisions not in harmony with it I connect to a word, named ego, I sometimes feel that my ego is too loud and my soul too quiet. 

 

But then, at other times, I seem to reach a certain understanding, that love and kindness and all the values seated in the soul are inherently soft and tender. They are to be discovered in silence and if my soul would be as loud as my ego, the qualities of my soul would be very much like the qualities of my ego. The necessity to calm down, sit down in silence and reflect in awe for our Creator and our Creation, makes soul so very special. Silence becomes a way to connect and going through it seems such a blessing. In these moments of a bit of a deeper insight, I do not wish my soul to be loud.

 

And yet we are so human...

Here comes the little poem:

 

Knowing Ourselves 

Whenever I think I know myself
Something happens that makes me doubt
I do know a bit about myself
I set out my own principles
Principles I love, I want to live by
But then so often I fail

Why do I fail?
Which part of us fails?
Which part of us sets the principles?
I think I can experience my soul,
Am I my soul?
Is my soul owning my mind, my heart, my body?

Why does my soul not take charge all the time?
My heart and mind seem to have to search
To search so intensely for my soul
to put my big ego aside
Is my ego competing with my soul?
It seems to be never quiet
Why my soul does not compete harder?

And then my thoughts, flying coming in, going out
I have written them down.
If I read my thoughts from the past
I feel I get to know myself a bit better
'cause thoughts come from the mind
They come from the soul, from the heart
And yes, also from the ego.

Aufie Zophy