Wednesday 6 March 2024

Building the Road

Today, I want to share a story, I heard from Dr Srikumar Rao, an international speaker and famous teacher

Imagine you are a civil engineer. You are called by your boss and he orders you to build a road from point A to point B. Between the two points are a forest, a swamp, and a mountain.

Do you get angry at the forest, the swamp and the mountain?

No you will be creative and find ways to go through them, around them, over them or under them. You take up the challenge, may increase the fees you ask, but you will work until the road is completed because that is what you were trained for.

Now, in our life, the road to point B is the road to a successful, purposeful, joyful life. The irritating, perhaps toxic people and the adverse situations you are subjected to, these are the forests and the mountains. You do not get angry at them, you just figure out how you are going to get your road built. We and we alone are responsible for our own successful, purposeful and joyful existence.

Hearing this story, it filled me with a feeling of inspiration, motivation.
I hope you feel the same :) 
 
I have put the above story in a small rhyme too:
 
 
An engineer was asked to build a big, long road.
But across the terrain of the planned highway,
There was a forest, and a wide river flowed.
Also, there was a mountain, made of heavy clay.
 
Did these obstacles disturb the engineer’s mind?
Did he curse the mountain and the river too?
No, creative solutions, he set out to find,
Because that was what he was trained to do.

Now along the path of our life's success,
There will be many obstacles to our happiness.
Will we curse all problems and get depressed
And give easily up because we are stressed?
 
Or will we work around them and use our skills
To go through, around or over any hills
To cross the rivers, to move through the thickest forest
And live a life like our Creator had intended for us?
 
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I have a translation available on my kaya jiwa, my Bahasa Malaysia blog:


 I am sure you will enjoy some of my other online treasures as well:

- Beautiful skies seen by Hans:
 
- Beautiful flowers:
 
 - Inspirational and motivational poems (I have written them under the pen name of Aufie Zophy)
 
- Two fables and a short story (my own favorite is 'Sammy and Alice')

- Inspirational quotes:
 
- Very short essays about simple good things:


Thursday 29 February 2024

Awake

 I woke up already to the peace within my heart,

Waiting eagerly for the flower buds

To open and let me drink their nectar

So my simple mind can take on

The task of letting the love in my heart

Flow freely to all in the world

So my simple soul

Can open up to the divine

And let my words flow as music

To provide a bit of inspiration

    Fully aware that giving some explanation of a poem, can take away some magic of it, I still think the main aim of poetry is to share the innermost things that live in the heart of the writer and if the meaning is lost in the metaphors, lots of value is gone.

   I believe quite strongly that we receive every day the wonderful gifts of peace, beauty, a huge dose of love placed in our hearts to freely share with all, and of creativity. In the small poem above, I was in a state of appreciating the peace but still searching inside and outside for the other three amazing gifts of beauty, love and creativity :)

Tuesday 27 February 2024

A big enough flame

     A boy was passing a group of peasants who were trying to light a fire. They gathered dry wood and as soon it was alight, they put on some larger wet logs and the fire went out. This happened again and again. The boy was saying: you have to wait until the fire of the dry wood is big enough before putting on the wet logs. The peasants gathered enough dry wood and make a fire with huge flames before putting the wet logs and the fire was burning for a long time. 

    I think something similar is happening to all the kindness in the world. We kindle it with dry wood and all to soon we try to convince the wet logs, the people consumed by greed and selfishness, to follow us. The greedy ones mock us and the fire goes out. I think we need a critical number of people to truly believe and practice daily random acts of kindness and inspire as many as possible among us who are not drenched in greed and selfishness, let us kindle a huge fire with the "dry wood" and have a blaze of kindness that will not go out no matter how many wet logs drenched in greed and selfishness try to douse it. 

    I think the above is quite true. Our own fire has to be big enough before we can have an effect on others. Big souls like Ghandi were living a truth like this: be the change you want to see in the world. I love to think that one day soon the world will experience a true kindness and wisdom revolution. Let us all be part of the critical number of "dry wood", so we have a flame of kindness burning hard enough to warm up all those drenched in greed.


The above metaphor was inspired by a passage in a short story by Leo Tolstoy ("the godson")

Sunday 25 February 2024

The story of the bamboo

    The Chinese bamboo tree grows very slowly for 3 to 5 years, after which it suddenly can grow a few feet within weeks. During the period of slow growth it builds an underground network of roots and builds up the energy that will be necessary for the rapid growth phase. 

    Ferns grow quite fast very soon after planted but never reach the height of an adult bamboo tree. 

The Chinese parable of the bamboo tree compares humans to ferns and bamboos. Some of us are made to grow fast but do not reach the final heights of those among us who need to build a strong foundation before we can start to grow fast. It is a story of patience and perseverance. If we do not see the growth in our life even though we work hard and live a good life, this may the period we require to grow strong roots to sustain us when we experience rapid growth. 

Sometimes we need to learn so many lessons, especially the lesson of humility before we can grow as the bamboo tree, very fast. Without humility we tend to be so reckless that after a period of rapid growth, we will fall as fast as we were growing. Only if we have a strong foundation of values we will stay at a good height. I do not consider the billionaires or presidents of large nations who cannot even manage their own core family as high growers. They may be in the news, but they are often so far from peace of mind and true happiness that it is hard to call them truly successful. Becoming very wealthy without peace of mind or true happiness is a far cry from true success

Sunday 4 February 2024

The most unopened gift

This morning I received
An amazing gift
 
It was wrapped in softness
In transparent rays of light

I opened the gift with my heart
And enjoyed the peace inside
 
The gift of peace
Silence, comfort, grace, and ease
 
I resisted the habit of reaching for my phone
Of reading news about the wars and fights
 
I just enjoyed the gift of wonderful peace
With a grateful heart and soul
 
Thanks, dear Creator, dear universe
Every morning this gift seems to be delivered
 
But how often I failed to notice it
Or saw it and left it unwrapped
 
Or stepped on it and destroyed it
With negative thoughts
 
With focus on imperfection
With petty stresses and useless worries
 
With reading the crazy messages
About falling stocks and greed
 
I pray, my God, that much more often, 
No, every morn, I see and open
this wonderful present,
PEACE.

 

Friday 26 January 2024

Kaizen and the amygdala

Our history as humans from thousands of years ago, is still having an effect on how our brains are working.

Thousands of years ago, when we met a big bad wolf in the forest, we had not time to think. So for the purpose of saving our life, our basic brain structures, our amygdala were helping to shut down all other brain functions including our thinking processes, our sexual desires our need for approval, our creativity, and made us fight or flight, run for our lives or try to fight off the danger. The fear for the wild beast had successfully triggered fear and an appropriate reaction for our survival. Since we were not very fast or strong comparing to the beasts preying on us, it was best to learn where it was safe and to really go and explore the unknown. Major changes were readily triggering our amygdala, shut down all our higher brain functions and got us ready to run or fight.

Now if we have to sit for this very important test or we face a major change in our life, our amygdala tend still to respond in such a way. We want to lose weight, but diets are difficult, exercising demands time and causes us to have sore muscles initially at least and instead of effectively going towards the change, our fear sets in and we are in a run or fight mood. Our higher brain functions shut down and no change tends to happen.

Now small incremental changes in what we want to achieve, tends to bypass this primitive response. If we start with one snack less per day, we may not lose a lot of weight in the first week, but we see that change is possible without too much effort and we are encouraged to take the next step. Or for exercising, instead of enrolling a program of half an hour for five days a week, which is very likely to fail we then start with doing a few minutes of exercise every day. No trigger of fear, no trigger of amygdala no run or fight response, no shutting down of higher mental functions.



Wednesday 10 January 2024

Good stories from students

I want to share with you two amazing stories of medical students who had spent almost 7 weeks in the pediatric wards. I asked them to share their worst and best moments in these wards. 

Story 1 
    The first story was the worst experience of one of the students. A child with a chronic kidney problem had been admitted. The child was very ill. The mother had not brought the child to the planned follow-up after the initial diagnosis and most likely that lack of proper follow-up was one of the main causes of the quite critical condition the child was in. The child needed to be transferred to the high dependency unit and the doctor in charge had asked the parents in a bit of an angry way: "Why did you not come for follow-up. Look how ill your child is now; we need to transfer him to the high dependency unit". This had left both parents in tears. My student had stayed a bit with the parents but was not trained on how to deal with this difficult situation.
Comments on story 1
     My student had observed an instance of poor doctor communication. The child was critically ill and instead of providing empathetic support, the doctor had just induced lots of guilt feelings in parents who were trying to cope with the critical illness of their child. The parents were shaken and my student as a bystander was shaken by the event too. 
    We had an interesting discussion on how each of us felt the communication could have been better. We  agreed that in the acute phase of the illness, there was no point in putting too much stress on errors from the parents. Rather, a doctor should describe the condition of the child and reassure the parents that we will provide the best possible monitoring and care for their child. We should be perfectly clear on the fact that the condition was critical but we hope that the child would recover with the care provided. Later, much later, when the child will be recovered and be ready for discharge we can stress to the parents the importance of attending follow-up in the future, in order to reduce the chances of the same complication happening again. 
    We discussed also what could have been said to the parents while they were crying. It is quite essential to allow the feelings to flow and handing some tissue paper to the parents and not say anything may be appropriate. If we want to say something, it may be good to express our understanding for their sadness and our understanding that it must be really hard for them.We discussed also the importance for all doctors to not be afraid of their own feelings. Anyhow, these events can help us to reflect and help is in the long run, deal with our won emotions better 
 
Story 2
The second story made me really happy. The second student shared his best experience. He had clerked a four year old boy who was very much interested in a cartoon, the student knew well. At the end of the encounter the student had given to the patient a figure that he had owned since quite long and he felt really good about it. 
Comments on story 2
I really enjoyed hearing this so much. This part illustrates that it is in giving that we receive. Something I myself struggled with for long to fully understand. The student was giving a material thing, and he received a good feeling in return.  This was so important to him, that he had selected this as the best experience of the 7 weeks.
I believe thoroughly in random kindness and the value of giving. I think oftentimes our parents and our teachers are planting the seeds of kindness in our souls and hearts. But it is only through our experiences and the reflection on our experiences that these seeds manage to blossom into wonder flower of a long term dedication to selfless service. 

Many thanks to Nor Athirah Binti Azlan and Ahmad Izham Tasnim Bin Mohd Satar for giving permission to share here their personal stories.

Monday 18 December 2023

Accepting

 Yesterday evening, I made a long walk on the beach.

A soft wondrous evening sun shone on the breaking waves and on the small individual clouds in the otherwise blue sky. The waves were breaking with most soothing sounds and the smell of the sea was special. We had had a few days of heavy monsoon rains in the past few days with huge waves. Whenever the waves are big, quite a lot of garbage and plastic is washed ashore. This time it was not different. At certain places I had to look where I put my feet in order not to step on any branches or plastics. At other places it was better. 

I decided to focus on the beauty of the sea and the sky, on the breaking waves, on the wonderful clouds. I truly enjoyed the walk. I saw eagles floating through the skies and people smiling. 

There will be always imperfections. If we accept them and focus on the beauty, we can still enjoy the walk!

Sunday 17 December 2023

3 amazing stories


1.       The story of the angry letter

One day a minister was very angry with his personal assistant She had sent a letter to the wrong person, causing him not only a lot of embarrassment but if the other person acts badly, it could cost him a lot of money too. He was very upset.

It was the beginning of a weekend, and she was planning to take leave after the weekend. That was in the time before emails or text messages were available. So, he wrote her a letter. His letter contained the most hateful words and was written in a very harsh way. Then he asked his wife to post the letter

At night he could not sleep and kept turning around in his bed. His wife asked him what was bothering him. He felt very uneasy about the harshness he had used in the letter and was now worried that it would hurt his PA so badly that she may decide to quit, which would be extremely inconvenient to him. He really regretted to be so angry in the letter.

His wise wife reassured him that she knew he would regret and that she had not yet posted the letter.

Lesson: if we are angry, we lose temporary our capability to think clearly. We tend to say or write words that we clearly will regret later on, but once out there it is almost impossible to take them back. Better to cool down first, regain our common sense and only then we address the issue in a calm and cool way.

2.     2. The story of the boiling water

One a day a teenage girl came back from school stating very adamantly to her mother that she will quit school. She had failed test, had been bullied and was very frustrated. The mom said nothing but took three pots, filled them with water and put them on the fire until the water boiled. In one pot, she put a carrot, in the other an egg, and in the last one coffee beans.

After half an hour, she called the girl. See, these three things were exposed to the same stress but each responded in a different way: the carrot was hard but became weak, the egg was soft and liquid but became hard and the coffee beans, they just changed the surrounding into a lovely brew of coffee giving an amazing aroma.

Lesson: if we face difficulties or stress, we can either become weak and easily give up, we can become hardened and lose our normal emotional response to things, or we can try to change the situation and turn it around into something beautiful.

3.       3. The story of the nurse who was not let in

About ten years ago, we started a home-based nursing service for terminally ill patients. During one of the debriefing sessions, a nurse told about the frustration she had experienced when she visited a family with a person who was in dire need of palliative care but she was not welcomed to deliver this care. The family was very strongly believing in traditional healing methods and thought she was just sent by the hospital to deliver more painful treatments to the patient. She talked nicely to the family expressed her sincere intentions and gradually she was allowed to take care of the bed sores of the patient and in the end her work was very much appreciated by the family. 

 

When asked how she had achieved this remarkable success, she mentioned that she got the motivation from the knowledge that this work she was doing was blessed by our Creator. She was confident that our Creator would show the way to her and the family if it was meant to be that she should alleviate the suffering of the patient. 

 

Lesson: I think this is an amazing story of courage and faith. She could have gotten discouraged and may have considered quitting the job if the patients refuse her care. That would have been like the carrot, getting weak. She might have hardened up and become angry with the family, creating a situation more problematic still for the suffering family, perhaps creating feelings of guilt. But she took the coffee-bean approach. Through her faith in our Creator, she persisted gently and managed to turn the stressful situation into a beautiful one.